Forgiving is difficult, but it's much more difficult to bear a grudge in our heart

I learn something again today, it's still relating with my last post. Forgiving is difficult, but it's much more difficult to bear a grudge in our heart.

Finally today I hang out with my friend I had mentioned on the previous post, and just say the truth, I feel so bored because of my deep disappointed to her. But I try to being nice however I know I'm still treat her bad today, Lol. We do not talk much, but at least we still talking each other. I'm sure she aware of my attitudes change, but she still play her role goodly. Do you know the main problem in our friendship? Because we never want to talk and ask. I dont want to tell her and she doesn't want to ask me.

Actually I've already talked to her that I'm disappointed about something, and she never really care to discuss about our problems. She prefer to pretending there're no problems. Since then, I never know how to solve the problem around us.. Maybe one day I must to say directly about all my 5 years pain.. Just wait for the good moment.

Since I have a deep hurt on my heart and feel so annoyed by her, I can't to be nice to her. And the bad things is, I love her as much as I hate her. It makes me so suffering. In this 5 years, I have already forgiving her for so much times. I dont know how long I must to wait for her to understand me oneday. My brother said, 

"One thing you can do to heal your pain is just let her go.. Let she does everything she wants, and just be a good friend for her without asking her be nice for u."

So the question is, can I let her go? If I let her go, I will never care about her anymore. But how can, how about our 5 years memories and friendship? And my heart answer me,

Matthew 18:21-22

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Yesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Before, I think this is impossible for me to forgiving someone for so much time. But now I know, it's possible. Why? Because I already love her as my own sister. And believe me, Forgiving is difficult, but it's MUCH MORE difficult to bear a grudge in our heart. So maybe I change my mind, she will always be my bestfriend. Whatever she does, I just wish that I can have an open heart to forgiving her, and I really wish she can try to understand me..

Sorry for recently mellow posts. I'm promise this is the last. ^^